One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize