dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
