found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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