It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
