is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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