Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
