Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
