someone get that fucking seahorse.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
