i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
