apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
