The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
