You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
