Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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