I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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