I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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