I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
