don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
