in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This is my gift to your gina
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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