Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
