She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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