shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
