my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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