But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I have demons in me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
