I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
