I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
