Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
