Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
When did angry sex become our thing?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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