dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
