he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
and she was petting her beer can
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
