I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
