found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
