I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
