On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dicks are not precious.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
