hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
