I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
