I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
