So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
