I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
