My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
