I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
