And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
