You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
