In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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