I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize