you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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