dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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