is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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