I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize