She's JV to your varsity
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
