sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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