yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
