The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
