She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Four minutes until I can fart!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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