im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
