Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
