I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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