Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
