We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
