Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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