There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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