I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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