i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
