Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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