.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
