Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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