New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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