Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
