hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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