yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
