hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
