I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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