Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
