holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
