oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
