also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
