my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
