I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
