ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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